NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Bro-to-Bro Dating Advice: Avoid the Horse Chicks by Scott McGinnis has been the subject of a significant amount of debate on the Horse Hubby Facebook Page over the past few days. General consensus is that the piece is hilarious…if the author is not serious (I’m personally not convinced that it is meant to be a joke), and that, if anything, Mr. McGinnis is underestimating the true costs of equestrianism.
The post seems to have particularly inspired, Chris P. Davis, who couldn’t help but take the opportunity to construct and submit this hilarious diatribe. Read the original story, then read Chris’s response, and tell us what you think in the comments below.
Ok, I finished my solo romantic comedy for the 18th time and I am prepared for some satirical comment: I am a fraternal kind of guy and I like to hear a good horse girl joke from a fellow brother. But I got the impression this guy likes his own jokes more than he likes his horse girl. After all, he says he wants to give me ‘advise’ in the ‘dating arena, pun intended’. You can’t beat that type of humor (or spelling) with a dressage whip. My ‘bro’ is obviously a horse girl’s future (if not present) ex-boyfriend. So, I feel compelled to give him some advice (take note of the ‘c’ blogger boy).
Bro, you nailed it about the baseball cap ponytail look, which as a baseball player, I find very attractive.
Bro, I might tease her by saying ‘you’re a little big for your britches today’ (if she’s not too close to aforementioned dressage whip), but at least I know how to spell breeches.
Bro, Black Beauty was great, but everybody knows American Velvet (or better yet International Velvet) is where it’s at.
Bro, do you think she pays thousands for grooming equipment, but only $500 for the vet or farrier? You must have learned math at the same school you learned to spell.
BRO (caps intended), did you say her trainer gives you dirty looks when you show up at the barn? It’s because you showed up during a lesson! That’s like her showing up at your deer stand at 9:00 on opening morning. The best you can do is show up right as the lesson ends so you can take care of the horse for a spell while she gets to talk to her trainer a little longer. All you have to do is take the rope, walk on the left side, and lead him to the cross ties. And don’t speak. How would you like it if she talked while you are calling in a turkey.
Man, I’m pretty sure horse show scores (at least for eventers) are like golf and ERA, the lower the score the better, but correct me if I’m wrong.
And if you can put a smile on her face half as big as the one she has when she wins one of those $1.50 ribbons, you’re a very lucky man, like me.
Ok, seriously. I don’t mean to be TOO critical, but if you really like this girl, let me give you some bro-to-bro advice. If you don’t want to be the next ex-boyfriend, ease up. She doesn’t need you; but if you play your cards right, she’ll want you.
And by the way, hay and gift certificates at the feed store make great Christmas gifts.