Some Essential Characteristics of a Horse Woman

In Opinion

Some thoughts and reflections as I look back on my experiences over the past year as the lover of a horse woman, and the owner of a horse:

1. There are only three things that a horse woman does on time:

A. Feeding time for the horse,
B. The vet/chiropractor/acupuncture/ferrier/voodoo witch doctor appointment, and
C. The first shown class of the day.

2. There are two things that a horse woman always needs more of:

A. Time at the barn. A “quick trip to the barn” is never shorter than 8 hours. I’d compare it to a quick trip to the DMV, but the DMV eventually closes and goes home.
B. Space for Tack. Although 45 foot trailers are really, really, long … and most horse women them can’t park those trailers.

3. A horse woman will cry more over an animal than they ever will over you.

4. A horse woman will give more attention to a horse’s junk then yours will see a lifetime (including your teen years). They will latch onto it like a cocaine addicted hooker who’s just been offered 1 kilo for free. Sheath cleaning is not foreplay, but it sure looks like it.

5. Money. A horse woman doesn’t have any. And if/when they did, it’s already been spent on the horse. You will never see a doctor or specialist, everything that ails you can be cured with vet wrap and liniment. But the horse has a specialist for every possible kind of issue…Soon, whatever money you have will go to whatever “baby” “needs.” [insert whatever gimmick of the day here]

Speaking of gimmicks, every product has the word “equine” in its name automatically cost 3x it’s real world value. Likely, this is because the additional funds are needed to support the habits listed above. The only way you will ever make a little money in horses, is to start off with a lot of it…

Love ya ladies!

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